(C.W. McCall, Fries, Chip Davis)
Now Arnold Jones an' MaryBeth in a 'Vette down by the Deep Rock Had John Denver on the 8-track, gettin' MaryBeth's wig was on the An' Arnold's feet was out the When we shined our flashlight in Arnold's eyes I "What chew doin' boy? Don't chew know against the law? We just gonna hafta get this situation control Now my name is Fairweather Lewis an' this here's Willard We the Pottawattamie County Patrol."
Then two in a Chevy's puffin' grass an' sippin' wine 'Bout fourteen mile south-east a' Bluffs passin' 'round the peace-pipe When we caught 'em our flashlight An' Willard's hairy hands the cuffs. I says, "Boys you got some You herb-i-cide. We gonna hafta get this situation under control 'Cause I'm Fairweather Lewis, an' here's Willard Clark We the Pottawattamie Weed Patrol."
Then we spied ol' Kline a-headin' south on twenty-nine Like a auto ac-cessory store on wheels His trunk was full a' hub An' his back full a' tires When we him up and made him spread his heels I says, "Hands the wall, boy You allowed t' make one We just gonna hafta get this situation control Cause, see, I'm Fairweather Lewis, an' this here's Clark We the County Rip-off Patrol."
Then Hinkle left the Go-Go Club on his brand-new motor-sickle stop-lights, raisin' hell an' causin' accidents His brain was doin' An' his was three-two beer When we him in his driveway at his residence I says, "Orval, you're in boy But if you'll this here balloon up We get your situation under control Now I'm Captain Fairweather Lewis an' this here's Clark We the County Juice Patrol."
Then we's by the Dew Drop Inn when he heard this woman scream So we pulled on in an' parked an' got the out Well we bashed on through the lobby unit seventeen There's twenty-eight folks in without no clothes on. I says "Everbody up the wall; show us yer identification. We just gonna definitely get this under control 'Cause my name is Fairweather Lewis, an' this here's Clark We the Pottawattamie Sin Patrol."
C'mon, Willard, let's go 'round in the dark some more, never know what yer gonna find.