Luyện nghe bài hát Albuquerque

Way back when I was a little bitty boy
in a box
Under the
In the corner of the
In the house half a down the street from Jerry's Bait Shop
You know the

anyway,
Back then life was swell
And everything was peachy!

of course for the undeniable fact
That every single
My would make me a big ol' bowl of
kraut for breakfast

Big bowl of kraut!
Every mornin'!
It was me crazy!
And I to my mom,
I said, "Hey, mom, up with all the sauerkraut?"

And my dear, mother,
She just looked at me a cow looks
At an oncoming
And she leaned right down to me
And she said, "IT'S FOR YOU!"

And then she me to the wall
And a funnel in my mouth
And force fed me nothing but kraut
I was twenty-six and a half years old

That's when I swore someday,
Someday I would get outta that
And travel to a magical, far place,
Where the sun is shining
And the air like warm root beer,
And the are oh so fluffy!

the shriners and the lepers
Play their all day long
And on the street
gladly shave your back for a nickel!

wacka, doo doo, yeah!

Well, let me you, people,
It wasn't at all before my dream came true
Because the very day,
A local station had this contest
To see who could correctly guess the
Of molecules in Nimoy's butt

I was off by three, but I still won the grand
That's right, a class, one-way ticket
To Albuquerque!
Albuquerque!

Oh
You know, I'd been
On a airplane before
And I tell ya
It was really

Except I had to sit
Between two large Albanian
With excruciatingly severe odor
And the little kid in of me
Kept throwin' up the time
The flight ran out of
Dr. Pepper and peanuts
And the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome Pauly Shore
And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines out
And we went a tailspin
And crashed into a
And the plane exploded in a giant
And died!
for me. You know why?

'Cause I had my tray up
And my seat in the full upright position
Had my tray up
And my seat back in the full upright
Had my table up
And my seat back in the full position

Ah-ha-ha-ha!
Ah-ha-ha!

So I from the twisted, burnin', wreckage
I crawled on my hands and
For three days
Draggin' along my big suitcase
And my bag
And my tenor
And my bowlin' ball
And my lucky, autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel!

But finally I arrived at the famous
Holiday Inn!
Where the are oh so fluffy!
And you can eat your
Right out of the ashtrays if you
okay, they're clean!

Well, I checked my room,
And I turned the A/C,
And I on the SpectraVision,
And I'm just to eat
That little chocolate on my pillow
That I love so very, much,
When suddenly there's a on the door

Well, now, who that be?
I say, "Who is it?" No
"Who is it?" There's no
"WHO IS IT!?" They're not anything

So finally, I go
And I the door,
And as I suspected,
It's big, fat hermaphrodite
With a of seagulls, haircut,
And one nostril
Oh, man, I it when I'm right!

So, anyway,
He into my room,
And he grabs my snorkel,
And I'm like, "Hey, you have that!
That snorkel's been just a snorkel to me!"

And like, "Tough!"
And I'm like, "Give it!"
And like, "Make me!"
And I'm like, "'Kay!"

So I his leg
And he my esophagus
And I bit off his ear
And he off my eyebrows
And I out his appendix
And he gave me a colonic
Yes indeed-y, you better it!

And in the middle of it all
The phone got off the hook
And twenty later,
I heard a familiar
And you know it said?
I'll tell ya it said!

It said, "If you'd to make a call,
hang up and try again
If you help,
Hang up and then your operator
If you'd like to a call
Please up and try again.
If you need
Hang up and then dial your
In Albuquerque!"
Albuquerque!

Well, to cut a long short,
He got away my snorkel
But I a solemn vow
then and there
That I not rest,
I would not for an instant,
the one-nostrilled man
Was to justice
But first, I to buy some donuts

So I got in my car
And I drove over to the donut
And I walked on up to the guy behind the
And he says, "Yeah, want?"

I said, "You got any donuts?"
He said, "Nah, we're glazed donuts."
I say, "Well, you got any donuts?"
He said, "No, outta jelly donuts."
I said, "You got any Bavarian donuts?"
He said, "No, we're Bavarian cream-filled donuts."
I said, "You got any rolls?"
He said, "No, we're outta rolls!"
I said, "You got any fritters?"
He said, "No, outta apple fritters!"
I said, "You got any claws?"
He said, "Wait a minute, go check."

"Naw, we're bear claws!"

I said, "Well, in case
In that case, do you have?"
He says, "All I got now
Is this box of one
crazed weasels."
I said, "Okay, take that."

So he me the box,
And I up the lid,
And the jump out
And they latch onto my face
And start bitin' me all

Oh, man, they just goin' nuts!
were tearin' me apart!
You know,
I think it was just that time
that a little ditty started through my head
I believe it went a somethin' like this:

DOH!
Get 'em off me! Get 'em off me!
Ohhh!
No, get 'em off, get 'em off!
Oh, oh God, oh God!
Oh, get 'em off me! Oh, oh God!
Ah, aaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!

I ran out the street
these flesh-eating weasels
All my face,
my arms all around
And runnin', runnin', runnin',
Like a constipated dog

And as would have it,
That's exactly I ran into
The of my dreams
Her name was

She was a enthusiast,
With a overbite,
And the color of strained peaches

I'll never
The very thing
She to me
She said, "Hey,
got weasels on your face."

That's when I knew it was true

We inseparable after that
Aw, we ate
We bathed
We shared the same piece
Of dental floss
The was our burrito

So we got married,
And we us a house
And had two children,
Nathaniel and
Oh we so very, very, very happy, oh yeah

But then, one night,
Zelda to me, she said,
"Sweetie
Do you wanna the Columbia Record Club?"
I said, "Woah! on now, baby!
I'm just not ready for that of a commitment!"

So we up,
And I never saw her
But just the way things go
In Albuquerque!
Albuquerque!

Anyway, things started
up for me,
Because a week later
I finally achieved my lifelong
That's right, I got me a job
At the Sizzler!

I even made of the month
After I put out grease fire
my face!

Aw yeah, everybody was pretty
Of me that
I was a lot of attitude.

Okay, one time,
I was out in the lot,
Tryin' to my excess earwax
With a pencil,
When I see guy Marty
Tryin' to a big ol' sofa
Up the all by himself.

So I-I say to him,
I say, "Hey, you want me to help you that?"
And Marty, he rolls his eyes
And goes, "No, I you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw!"

So I did.

And then he gets all on me
He's like, "Hey, man, I was just sarcastic!"
Well, that's great.
How was I to know that?
I'm not a reader,
For cryin' out

Besides, now got
A really nickname - Torso-Boy!
So he complaining about?

Say, that reminds me of amusing anecdote
This guy comes up to me on the
And he tells me he had a bite
In three

Well, I what he meant,
But to be funny,
I a big bite
Out of his jugular
And he's and screaming
And all over,
And I'm like, "Hey, on, don'tcha get it?"
But he just keeps around on the sidewalk,
and screaming, "Aaaahhhh! AaaaahhhhOhhhhh! Aaaaahhhh!"
You know, missing
The irony of the whole
Man, people just can't take a joke, you know?

Anyway, um...
was I?
Kinda lost my of thought.

Uh, well, uh, OK, anyway,
I-I know it's kind of a way
Of it, but,
I the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is

I SAUERKRAUT!

all I'm really tryin' to say
And, by the way,
if one day you happen to up
And find in an existential quandry,
Full of and self-doubt
And with the pain and isolation
Of your pitiful existence,
At least you can take a bit of comfort
In knowing somewhere out there in this
ol' mixed-up universe of ours,
There's still a little
Albuquerque!
Albuquerque!
Albuquerque! (Albuquerque!)
Albuquerque! (Albuquerque!)
Albuquerque! (Albuquerque!)
Albuquerque! (Albuquerque!)

I A! (A!)
L! (L!)
B! (B!)
U! (U!)
... querque! (querque!)

(Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque)
(Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque)
(Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque)
Al...buquerque!